1. Follow StockTwits for timely news on ETFs. Crowd-sourced information is an excellent way to get an edge on the market.
2. Don’t bother with index funds. They include way too many crappy stocks.
3. If you must use an index fund, make sure it’s enhanced.
4. Buy several mutual funds in each asset class. After three years, it will be clear which manager is the best, so you can sell the others.
5. Watch CNBC for daily info about where the market is headed. Jim Cramer used to run a hedge fun, you know. That means he knows his stuff.
6. Don’t worry about sales loads. If the manager has a proven track record, it’ll end up being worth it in the long run.
7. Bet heavily on emerging markets. Any chump can see that’s where the next decade’s growth will come from.
In case it isn’t immediately obvious, the above post is written in jest. The ideas are either a) terrible or b) backed up by decidedly faulty logic.